If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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