The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
