3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
