Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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