It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
