We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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