Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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