I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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