he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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