i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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