I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
