you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
