If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
