I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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