Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i think i have herpe
just one?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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