can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
