she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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