i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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