i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
