It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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