I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Are my feet made of real feet?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
