I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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