are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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