Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
