Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
