I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
