I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
smell my finger.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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