How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
