Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
