we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
