His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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