Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
