She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
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New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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