no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Found the puke drawer
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
