I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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