no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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