You're completely useless in the revolution.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
