it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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