I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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