Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
