i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
