is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
