oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
