Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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