My nipple is on Facebook.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
