Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
These tits shall not be calmed
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
