I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize