Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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