Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
