watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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