So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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