So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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