mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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