Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
