Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
