So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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