My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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