Your dad touched me again.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
