Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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