But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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