if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
