He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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