Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
