Moan for me like Helen Keller
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
