But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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