Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
