his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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